I have heard the mavis singing...

Always a pioneer in New Ways to Break my Heart, I put anthis up a few weeks ago. But I'm just not really into it. Weird, no?

It may have something to do with the fact that I am counting up my friends, taking an inventory. (and "friends" is herein defined as people with whom I share current regular contact and a lasting bond) Someone reading this blog said it sounded like it was written by a girl with "a lottalotta friends", which froze me in my tracks. Me?

Lots of friends?

Really?

No fucking way...

Dude, just click on that "friends" link. Yeah, over to the left. See?

It is one of my pet crack-psycologist theories that we forever see ourselves at the stage of development when we were most reviled, or in otherwords, most lonesome. Being lonesome, we spend a lot of time with ourselves, and get to know ourselves pretty well.

Freezeframe.

And so, the scabby, stringy haired lonesome eight year old holding the proverbial stickshift in my psyche laughs nervously and rubs one hypothetical sneaker across the back of the other metaphysical pale bony leg at the thought that she has a lot of friends.

A lot?

Define a lot.

Especially, define alottalotta.

So I was, and in the process I realized that I have gathered a small tribe of incredible people around me, and each one of them is very precious to me, the more precious for being so damned rare. I can be a little hard to put up with, keep up with.

But, and this is the weirdish thing, that ties it together, I can count on one hand the friends I have who I met in real-time, in the real-world, and not on the Internet.

This is no slurr on the ones that I did meet there. Thank god for the internet - it makes my life a million things it could never be otherwise. But it kind of started me wondering if the non-scabby, actually kind of cute with better hair twenty one year old might actually be able to make friends in the "usual" way if she tried, and if maybe she hasn't tried because she still thinks she's eight and reviled.

And so I was thinking I should try that, maybe, as scary as it might be. And if I'm going to try it with friends, why not...(are you ready?)...with lovers?

Now is the time on Sprockets when we dance.