It's a crotch! It's a Teletubbie!

PITMAN...

I'm sure you've all seen this, but its so repulsive I can hardly find it as funny as it is. I'm wondering what my reaction to this fucked up ad campaign means.

I saw the picture version of the ad, which doesn't introduce the character as Pitman. It was just a photograph, with a line of text beneath it.

My first impulse was to squint. Okay, breathe. There's a thing with three toes on vaguely infantile, though deformed and enormous feet. It has a large quantity of what appears to be pubic hair sprouting from what appears to be its belly. It is immovably fixed on what appears to be its enormous ass. About where I'd expect the monstrosity to sprout breasts, it just...ends. It's carved off flat. Like a coffee table. Like the lower bit of a properly chastised and cauterized Darth Maul. Only pink, and without the Darth robes. Because this thing is naked.

Oh yeah, and there are models lounging around it, attempting to coax it into sex. The slideshow you will be treated to, if you are brave enough to click that link, is truly disturbing. One of the girls is playing footsie with one of the thing's fat baby feet. Another is resting her HEAD on one of the feet. Another is leaning on the flat part, in a gondola. You can see clearly between the thing's legs here, but there is only shadow...

In the last and worst, she's straddling a horse behind the naked thing.

Equus, anyone?!?

And I'm thinking - um, okay, alright, so, they're trying to say that even if you are the most revolting mutant, hairy, a hermaphrodite nudist with no exterior genitals, and you're also a paraplegic and a decapitation survivor with a taste for foot-worship fetish play....

As long as you wear this deodorant you will still get laid by super models.

Okay... so I'm actually entertaining this line of reasoning. Okay, maybe it's stupid...or maybe it's a parody of the ads that have promised products will change the unchangeable...but then I read that little text at the bottom, the legend, motto, catch-phrase, byline, whatever you call it, that says,

"Dry Pits Win"

And so then I realize that the thing is an armpit, a hairy male armpit...

With feet.

WTF?