Oh Jeebus

Today was a wretched sort of day. I was still feeling completely horrible. I've had an excruciating earache, and I think my eardrum may have ruptured, because I've been oozing bloody-straw-coloured crap. I still dragged myself into work, early, even, because I wanted to make a good impression.

I was in work five minutes (still 25 minutes early!) when I learned I was fired. For not coming in on my day off. For a job I had asked to be allowed to come along to observe and help out with. Because I was too sick to get out of bed for. And called in ahead of time.

My boss informed me that I was fired.(After4 smiling at me and giving me a wink and the thumbs up while she was on her cell phone. Psycho.) I sat down quietly, too sick and tired to protest, and looked at her. I know from several outside sources that I have had no colour in my face for the past few days...I had less at that moment.

"Blahblahblah...blah...and frankly, I don't believe you were sick."

I wordlessly removed the bloody cotton from my ear and offered it to her.

She recoiled.

"What's that?"

"My ear infection..." I replaced it and winced.

She sputtered, I put my head on the desk.

"Well...and now I'm stuck here all day, alone? Frankly, you've put me in a difficult position."

I lifted my head, wearily.

"Do you want me to stay for the rest of the day, then?"

She babbled for anotherten minutes, wherein I somehow got my job back, but frankly, I was too deaf and exhausted to care.

So I have my job back. I don't really want it, though. If I can be fired for not calling in sick on my day off for a job everyone knew I was frothing at the mouth to do, then fuck them. Sorry, I want to be all nice and philosophical about this, but it's just fucked up. Bah.

I'msure I can get another job, and I'm going to dtart looking tomorrow. I can't deal with this irrationality. Even after seeing that I was BLEEDING FROM MY EAR LIKE A FREAKING ZOMBIE, my boss still acted like she was being a benevolent angel for allowing me to wash her vases and sweep up her crap all day. Even after I fell off a ladder today taking a plant down from a high shelf BECAUSE I HAVE NO FREAKING EQUILIBRIUM BECUASE MY INNER EAR IS ALL MESSED up, she still acted like I was a lazy employee.

Be it known that I am the only one who had ever volunteeered to work every undesirable closing shift, even the hideous Friday Night Event slot, virtually killing my social life. (No comments form the peanut gallery about the vitality of said social life in the first place)

Be it known that I regularly come in on my days off to make sure they are not swamped.

Be it known that I re-organized both the under-the-work-bench wilderness, and the hellishly cramped supply shelves, WITH LABLES, so that we can now work in some semblance of order.

Be it know that I sweep up at every possible lax second in the shop.

Be it known that I carry all heavy objects since they fired the last shop-guy that we had, and perform all man-jobs required, because I exceed all other employees in height (by 5 inches) and in strength (by my slowly atrophying karate muscles).

Be it known that I am a goody two shoes and a total martyr, but I never let on, so why does my boss hate me?

My wise friends counsel that I seek approbation too strenuously - that I make the same mistake in employment as I make in romance - I am too eager to please and be seen as the "good child." I don't know. I can see the point where is pertains to men, but don't employees want good workers?

Yes, say my friends, but when you give them the best automatically, they take it for granted, and then they hold you to a much harsher standard than the less-perfect employees. (the wise friends say the same about men, too, but let it lie)

Well, if that's so, that is the way I want it, in principle, though it sucks ass in practice.

This is one of the great struggles of my heart at all times - what I love in principle, becomes too harsh for me to bear in fact. Does this mean that I am a weiner, or that my principles are too idealistic? Or what?

At least I am unfired. For now. Bah.

:(